Photo © Tamara Paetkau

I was walking through the grocery store last Sunday when I spotted the purple tulips. They reminded me of my Opa, who passed away a few years ago. I decided to buy them for my Oma and pay her a quick impromptu visit.
Irma let me into the house, and I walked into the kitchen. As my Oma turned the corner from the dining room, her whole face brightened. &quot;Oh, Tamara!&quot; she cried. We hugged and wished each other happy new year, and she sat down to watch me cut the flowers. I hadn't taken off my jacket, and she smiled at how the tulips matched my scarf. I got the vase from the cupboard and filled it with water. As I cut the stems, removing the bottom leaves, I said, &quot;They reminded me of Opa, and of spring, so I got them to remind you of him. Tulips in January...and they're already looking a little sad. I'm not sure how long they will last.&quot; She said, gesturing with her hands, searching for the words, &quot;But look at them now, they are beautiful...<b>they are here in this moment</b>, and that is enough.&quot; We talked about life, her health, my work, my new house. I never even sat down. I cleaned the cut stems from the table, gave her a hug and told her I would call again soon. &quot;Aufwiedersehen!&quot;
I know now how long the flowers lasted. They lasted as long as my Oma did. She passed away this morning, at her home, with Irma near her side.

---

Marge called me at work today, Oma, to tell me you had gone. I wish I had known, I would have arranged the flowers, I would have taken my jacket off, I would have sat down at your kitchen table for one last time. Oh Oma, I am so glad you were at home. Nothing between you and the air, no machines. I cried today, I cry in the car. Why in the car? I have no idea. Are you with him now? I hope so. But again, I have no idea. I know you have no more pain. We have prayed for that for a long time.
I went to the house today, to hug Irma, to...I don't know. To see it without you there. I spent the afternoon with Daniel and Michelle...I talked with Leanne on the phone. She will come home to say goodbye to you. Michelle made us some perogies, with your white sauce. We prayed Opa's prayer. Tonight I went grocery shopping, but I could only buy beautiful things...white candles, some green apples, and these purple tulips. How long will these ones last?
And now Oma...now I'm sitting here. Alone in my big girl house. Wrapped in the blanket you made me so many years ago, crying like a baby. When I was unpacking my things in November, I decided to put frog in a box in the basement. I never told you that. Lord knows how many times you re-stuffed him, how many times you sewed his eyes back on. He was well loved. But I was in my big girl house, and he was part of a little girl's life. Oma, he will come out of the box tonight...
Aufwiedersehen...

---

Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest...
Psalm 55:6